For years I struggled secretly with social anxiety. Though I’ve had to push myself out of my comfort zone for many of my customer facing roles, if it didn’t involve work based conversations, I crumbled when it came to making small talk.
To many of my friends and family now, this confession is probably confusing. Especially if they’ve only ever been around me on a one to one setting or was unlucky enough to experience my not so quiet side! But for those who truly know the real me on a much more personal level, they’d know I avoid all large group situations like a plague!
Coping with one or two faces at a time was just about as much as I was able to manage, to be comfortable enough to talk without a glass of red in hand. But any more than that, I’d need a few bathroom breaks to get through and to be slightly tipsy! This wasn’t just limited to being out with a large group of friends; It even involved large get togethers with relatives.
I’d lose my voice, start to stammer, or just simply have to excuse myself more than often. My fear of group settings always led me to cancel many plans that involved seeing more than two faces at a time. The nervousness, the anxiety and the pure uncomfortableness of being around any large social group was always unexplainable. The fear of phone calls or the build up before being able to answer my phone each time a friend or relative would try to call for a simple chit chat was nerve wrecking.
Slightly Sad or Feeling Fearful?
Social anxiety is more than just feeling shy, or dreading running into a particular person at a party. Social anxiety is quite common, and can affect many of us at points in our lives. It is most common to start feeling symptoms in teenage years, although it can manifest at any age.
Symptoms can be really difficult to cope with, as well as feeling the strong mental and emotional strain of the condition. Feeling nauseous, excessive sweating, palpitations, and panic attacks… these can be very scary as well as just plain unpleasant. How can you break out of the cycle, when your body is protesting every step you take? Making eye contact, speaking above a whisper, answering the phone – things that many would consider ‘easy’ everyday behaviour – become cripplingly difficult to someone with Social Anxiety Disorder.
Some research shows that Social Anxiety is the most common form of anxiety in the UK, with as many as 12% of the population experiencing it at some point in their lifetime. So why is it still so poorly understood? How can we handle it?
Mild or Severe?
There’s no point putting labels on into everyday conversation, and mental health is certainly not a race, or a goal. The only benefit to placing yourself on a scale is getting the right help. Leave out the thoughts of ‘mild’ or ‘severe’, and stop comparing your struggles to those of someone else. No competition required. But think: how many symptoms to I have? Do they stop me doing my day-to-day activities? How much does this affect my life?
While medication may be prescribed in some cases, it is not for everybody. Often, the best course of action is to start with therapy, in order to understand better the reasons behind your fears and concerns. Talking to your GP is always a great first step. And don’t ignore talking to friends and family – they may be able to support you in your own ‘self-help’ strategies.
A Spoonful of Sugar
… helps the medicine go down. Yes, yes, yes! We know.’ But how does that help’ I hear you ask? Well. While you may not be taking any physical medication, doesn’t mean that there aren’t other ways of taking that spoonful of sugar. Here, (any Mary Poppins assumptions aside) the sugar can be whatever you want it to be. It is difficult to get out of disruptive patterns, as fear feeds fear, and negativity feeds negativity. By giving yourself small rewards each time you do something out of your comfort zone, you are retraining your mind and body.
Over time, you see things in a more positive light, and slowly acclimatise yourself to social activity. It may be that you need to start small. You’ve had to make a phone call, and you’re sweating right through your shirt? Follow it up with a relaxing soak in the tub. Bathing can fix a multitude of sins, and leave you feeling as if you’ve started the day anew.
Small purchases can help to lift your spirits, and get you outside, if this is something you struggle with. Maybe tell yourself not to order things online? If you only shop in person, then you’ll find that you need to get outside fairly quickly. Going out once a week for a food shop?
It’s a good start. You find the supermarket too noisy and crowded? Start smaller. Maybe go grab a coffee during a quiet time of day, and just enjoy being outdoors. You don’t need to talk to anyone if you don’t want to – just take a book along and find a quiet corner for a spot of people-watching.
I’ll be there for youuuuuuuuu….
Sometime being alone can be part of the problem. Maybe going out alone sends you running to worship the porcelain gods? Accept an invitation or two from friends, for a quick meet up every now and again. Maybe you can’t think of anyone to make plans with. Well, that’s okay. You can always start a new hobby, or speak to your neighbours. Maybe make a friend online (safety first guys!) and then meet up in person feeling like you already have things to talk about.
You’re not alone, even if you think you are. Some small seeming steps are actually large, and you deserve to celebrate them, whether it’s with a Netflix binge at home, or a fancy coffee on the high street. Head up, shoulders back, and start enjoying life to the full!
What are your coping strategies? Would you like us to discuss some others in detail? Let us know!
